In Bed
by papilia nigra
Summary: "The first time they slept together in a bed was in their third year." Sirius has a habit of crawling in Remus' bed every month before the full moon. In their fifth year, Remus has an announcement to make and Sirius starts wondering...


Hi guys,

this is (obviously) the first story I'm uploading here. After I wrote it, it was just too cute not to show it off a litte :P Plus, of course, I really, really want to know what you think of it! So give me your opinions, tips, tell me how you like it. By the way, I'm actually not a native English speaker, so some phrases might be weird to you. Please feel free to point them out, I want to improve that :)

Enough said. Here we go!

 **Prologue**

The first time they slept together in a bed was in their third year. One would probably find this quite peculiar, as the usual thirteen-year-old boy did _not_ crawl in his friends' bed – boys of that age are rarely seen cuddling.

Sirius, however, couldn't care less. Since they had found out what Remus' furry little problem was, he felt even more responsible for the quiet boy. In spite of their differences, they got along very well and discovered that the other boy understood them anyway. Their friendship was completely different from the one Sirius had with James, but maybe that was the whole point. With Remus he could really talk, about everything, about serious stuff – Remus would never laugh. He would listen, think rationally and say all the right things to make Sirius feel better. Sometimes he didn't have to say anything at all. The look he gave Sirius, his innocent, earnest, warm expression could work wonders.

Anyways, he had observed Remus' unquiet nights before, but now he knew what they were about. Especially the one night directly before the full moon, Remus rarely slept at all.

When Sirius heard him rustling and rumbling now, he crawled out from under his sheets to join Remus in his bed. Without speaking, he laid his arm around the other boy, who in return fit himself in the embrace.

None of them said a word in the dark, but Sirius knew that his presence was highly appreciated. After a few minutes, he would feel Remus' heartbeat slow down and his breaths become deeper. As soon as Remus was asleep, Sirius allowed himself to relax fully and drift away.

When they awoke together, they didn't speak either. Both weren't really morning persons, so they kept quiet. James shot them a questioning look the first few times, but when nobody commented and nothing more happened, he accepted their arrangement.

Thus, it was no big deal to the marauders that two of them shared a bed every 28 days. Nothing more, but they both didn't want to miss it. Remus was thankful to get a good night's sleep before going through the strains of his transformation and Sirius admitted to himself that he liked sleeping with Remus in his arms.

Sometimes he wondered if that made him gay. But really, there was nothing happening between them and he didn't think that he liked Remus in _that_ way. He liked girls in that way. In his fourth year, he had a huge crush on Alice Miller (later known as Longbottom) – she was beautiful with her long blonde hair, light blue eyes... plus, she was definitely not interested. But Sirius didn't take it that badly, he just kept looking for another girl. After all, there were quite a few more in Hogwarts, he told himself.

As far as he knew, Remus never had a girlfriend. It would certainly have been difficult, with all the monthly disappearances and whatnot. Sirius never knew that there was another aspect to this, at least not until they were called together in their dormitory one evening. It was the beginning of their fifth year.

* * *

 **Sirius POV**

"What is it, Moony? You look like you have the most official announcement to make", James asked and winked at Remus.

The latter looked undeniably nervous, the way he sat oddly at the edge of this bed, constantly entwining his fingers. Our eyes met for a moment as I observed him, but he shied away.

"You don't have to be anxious, Remus", I tried to reassure him. "This is not an exam, and we are not McGonagall."

Peter and James giggled, even Remus managed a snort. I smiled at him. "Just spit it out. None of us is going to rip off your head for anything."

"Look, guys...", he started and broke off. His eyes wandered through the room, as if something in here would be able to help him out. I was just about to encourage him once more, when he spoke again. "You're the only ones I want this to know. It's just... It's more difficult than the whole werewolf thing, because you sort of guessed that yourself. And I don't think you could guess what this is about."

James and I simultaneously inhaled, ready to fire away. But Remus interrupted us before we even got started. Pity, I thought, but my curiosity soon took the better of me. Worse than his furry little problem... What could that be? My head was spinning with possibilities.

"I know you have thousands of wild guesses and more. But it doesn't work this way, at least not this time..." Moony paused again. He fussed with his hands and, sighing, run one of them through his hair. It stood up like he had just climbed of bed, messy and ruffled. I kind of liked the look, it reminded me of waking up next to him. At least my subconscious seemed to think that, up until now I had never actively given it a thought.

"Okay. I think I'll just have to get it out, there is no putting it nicely." Poor Remus, I really took pity on him. He looked so lost, sitting there not knowing how to say – whatever it was that bothered him.

"I think I'm gay", he mumbled quietly and blushed. Finally, he was relaxing and let himself fall backwards on his covers.

All I could do was stop my jaw from dropping. I probably looked dumbfound anyway. Well... I could see why that was more difficult than "the werewolf thing", in a way.

"You _think_ you're gay?", James inquired, looking curious.

"I'm pretty sure", Remus said. He folded his hands behind his head and closed his eyes, so he didn't have to look at us.

"Is there someone you have a crush on? Are you seeing someone?", James continued.

A grin appeared on my lips. It was sooo typical for James to be this nosy. And it was even more typical, that Remus simply shook his head, not bothering to elaborate. This was a topic he was not chatty about. At all.

Peter just sat there, looking surprised but – thankfully – nothing near disgusted or something like that. "Well, whoever he likes, I don't mind", he stated in a quiet voice.

It was like that statement ended the conversation, but then Remus spoke again.

"So are you, um... I mean, are you... okay with it?", he asked, sounding tense.

"We are still here, aren't we?", James asked in a rhetorical way.

"Look, Moony", I began calmly, speaking for the first time since his confession. "You know we'll always support you, no matter what. We're friends, we like you, for God's sake! So, well, you'll just have to accept the fact that we're not going anywhere. I mean, you're still Moony, you've always been, only now we know that you happen to like blokes. It doesn't change anything, I promise."

Remus pushed himself back into a sitting position. He looked relieved.

"Thanks, Padfoot" he said earnestly. With a grin, he added: "That was truly beautiful. I feel like I could start crying right now-"

James interrupted him by standing up and declaring: "We're gonna leave you two to cry and cuddle and say sappy things. I need to finish that damn Potions essay tonight, so I'll pay Madam Pince another visit. You comin', Wormtail?"

Peter got up clumsily and followed James down the stairs, which left Remus and me in some kind of awkward silence.

"I meant that, you know", I explained. "It may have been a little sappy" - I grinned at that point - "but it had to be said."

Remus grinned in return. "Thanks. Ass-kisser."

I arched an eyebrow. "You sure you wanna apply that... term?"

When he blushed red, I burst out laughing. "Sorry", I gasped between giggles, "you delivered it on a plate, I'm sorry."

Remus just shook his head and laughed with me, unable to get out a coherent sentence.

It took us nearly five minutes to calm down. Then we managed to stand up and – not so much voluntarily as with a bad conscience and a deadline – follow the other two to the library.

 **Remus POV**

It was the night before the full moon. I was painfully aware of the fact that Sirius wouldn't be sleeping in my bed tonight as I had just a week ago told my friends that I was gay. They had taken it wonderfully and behaved normally since, but I strongly suspected that this did not extend to sleeping in bed with me.

As it turned out, however, my suspicions were wrong. About ten minutes after we had gone to sleep, Sirius extinguished the candle on his bedside table, threw back his covers and got up. His bare feet patted the few steps over to my bed. I tried hard to breathe normally, lying still.

Cold air came with the feeling of a body against mine, Sirius wrapping his arms around me and making sure that we were both under the blanket. It should have felt like our monthly routine, yet it was so very different.

"Padfoot?", I whispered. "What are you doing?"

He was lying behind me, so I couldn't see his face – but the frown was discernible in his voice.

"What do you think I'm doing?", he asked.

I hesitated. He wanted the truth and I wasn't sure if I could tell him... On the other hand, it was definitely easier to admit stuff when it was all dark and I didn't have to look him in the eye. So I plucked up my courage and went for it, because he deserved an honest answer, because he was here.

"I just... well, I guess I didn't expect you to come over tonight."

I made a pause and half thought that he would interject something, but he seemed to sense that I wasn't done yet.

"You know, after what I told you and everything... I didn't expect you to be... comfortable with this any more."

The arm around me tensed for a moment and I felt Sirius bury his face in my hair. It send delicious shivers down my spine, but I forbid myself that train of thought. I just couldn't, because once I started, it was so hard to stop, and he was lying behind me, all warmth and muscles and... _Stop it!_

"Remus, I've always been comfortable with you", Sirius murmured. His breath was in my neck and I had to force myself to remain sober. How did he not notice what he was doing to me?!

"Plus, I trust you won't savage me without my consent, would you? Not that you'd stand a chance against me..."

He nudged me and I felt his chuckle vibrating through his body, through _my_ body, because we were so close. Slowly, I became aware of what he had just said. _Without my consent._ Was that an invitation? I wasn't sure and I sure as hell didn't want to find out the hard way. But God, he was so gorgeous, and he was right there behind me, and I could feel his body against mine... And I could feel myself getting hard. Honestly, I was impressed that I had managed to fight it for so long, but – well, fuck. I couldn't be hard while he was in my damned bed.

"Sirius...", I said in a strained voice. "Maybe it's better if you don't sleep here tonight."

"What?" The surprise in his voice was obvious. "Why?"

If I didn't know better, I'd say he sounded disappointed. But I _did_ know better, which is why I had to make him leave.

"Just... go. Please", I begged. There was no sound from behind, he lay completely still for a few seconds. Then, without another word, he left.

The first thing that came to my mind was _It's cold_ , and then _Please come back_. I wouldn't be getting any sleep that night, that was for sure. But I probably wouldn't have been able to sleep with him there, either. The times before my... coming-out, I had always been able to relax. After all, we had done this since third grade, and although I had been head over heels for Sirius for half a year now, I had managed to keep my shit together. It was too good to have him hold me, too good to wake up next to him. I really didn't want to lose it.

But now he _knew_ I was gay and that kind of changed the deal. Before, I could force myself to be calm for that one night. Now, it seemed much more... meaningful that he still crawled into my bed. It had always been awkward, from an objective point of view, I was aware of that. Only I couldn't stop myself from thinking what it meant that he still wanted this kind of... well, almost intimate contact now that he knew I was different.

I could be that he just didn't care, which would be typical of Sirius. Regardless, there was this small voice in my head that constantly reminded me of the alternative. That he might want me as well. I hated that thought, because it was impossible that Sirius would think of me _that way_ , but as long as the voice was there, I couldn't forget it either.

 **Sirius POV:**

The next few days were really awkward. I had never been so... uncomfortable around Remus. Of course, James picked up on that quite quickly... well, he knew the next morning, because I had woken up in my own bed. Looking awful, by the way – I hadn't been able to stop myself from mulling over the fact, that Remus had practically thrown me out. No, he had _begged_ me to leave. What the hell had I done wrong? And why was I so down because of it? I had obviously never realized how much I enjoyed our shared nights. It dawned on me that I might give that a second thought. Why did I like it so much? Why did I still like it knowing that Remus was gay?

It really, honestly hadn't bothered me. But he had expected it to and I had to admit that it would make sense. Heterosexual boys did not crawl into their friends beds every so often. Especially if the friend in question had just come out as gay.

And why had Remus been more uncomfortable with the whole situation than me? Why had I felt so disappointed when he wanted me to go? So many questions... Well, I was not stupid enough to ignore the signs. By the end of said night, I knew I had to rethink the whole " _I'm not gay just because I sleep in Remus' bed sometimes_ " affair. And I had an inkling that the outcome might change a thing or two.

So the next days I was collecting evidence. I purposely ignored the girls, keeping an eye out for the blokes around me. Well, James and Peter I left out, because that was even more awkward than checking out Remus. I tried to hide my efforts best as I could, particularly when Moony was around.

The guys I watched were all right, I guessed, some could probably be categorized as "handsome". But if I was honest to myself, none of them attracted me really. None of _them_ did – Remus, on the other hand, was different. Maybe it was because I knew him. When I watched him changing into his pyjamas or coming out of the shower with nothing but a towel wrapped around his hips, I did not only see what was on the outside.

He was about as tall as me, perhaps a bit smaller. His figure was slender, his muscles not as defined as mine – but then again, he read books while I played Quidditch, so I guessed that was just fine. Depending on the light, you could see the white scars that covered his already pale skin. There were many of them, because werewolf scratches just couldn't be healed like other wounds. He had light brown hair, not that much, covering his legs and chest. His hands were as slender as the rest of his body and had something like _elegance_ to them.

I quite liked watching them, I came to realize during dull hours of History of Magic. Yes, I had never listened to Binns, but now I had a new alternative to sleeping with open eyes. I still made myself comfortable, stretching out over the table. Remus sat next to me, listening intently and scribbling down his notes. He didn't seem to notice my staring, so it was the perfect opportunity. To be honest, I didn't only watch his hands. My gaze wandered from his ink-smeared fingers over his robes to the Gryffindor tie. His throat, with nearly invisible stubble that led my eyes further to examine the curve of his jaw. His lips looked kind of soft, and I caught myself more than once wondering how they would feel.

I added the fascinating colour of his eyes to my growing list of evidence. The irises were neither brown nor green, something in between, and that was one of the most intriguing things I had ever seen. If the sun shone from a certain angle on Remus' face, his eyes lost all green touch and turned to a glorious golden brown. I loved it.

Aside from that, his smile really was adorable, or the way he ran his hand through his hair when he was concentrating or nervous. I spent quite some time studying the tiny movements on his face when he read a story. His emotions showed in the smallest twitch of his lips, the knitting of his brows, the widening of his eyes.

Maybe I appreciated all that because I knew the boy beneath the surface. I knew Moony. The scars didn't bug me because I knew their story. I wasn't annoyed by the fact that he was a perfectionist when it came to school work. He wanted to make his parents proud, wanted to prove that a werewolf was worth the same as other people. Sometimes it bothered me that he didn't speak his mind the way I did, but I was still okay with it.

That was simply the difference between him and me, he was an introvert, bookish person, comfortable with his friends but a little awkward with others. I was loud and self-confident (at least on the outside), I spoke my mind. Some people called that arrogance. At times, Remus had an exhausted look on his face, when James and I exaggerated with the show. Still, I think it did also amuse him in a way.

I needed about two days to know in which direction my evidence would lead. After a week I was certain, and it was about time, because it really was strange being around Remus. We hadn't talked about that night and then there had been the full moon and he had been even grumpier and more quiet than usual. So although I technically spent as much time with him as before, we didn't behave normally with each other at all.

James had tried to ask about that, even Peter had noticed. But I wasn't ready to talk to them before I hadn't talked to Remus about the whole deal. And I knew I had to.

After that week I was sure that I definitely fancied Remus. Plus, the other guys at Hogwarts were not in the least interesting. Okay, some had a nice arse or a good figure, but they weren't him. It was not only physical attraction, I knew that I wanted all of him. _My_ Moony.

I was not sure what I expected from talking to him about it. I mean, I had no idea if he even considered me attractive – he was gay, so it was at least possible, but I wasn't arrogant enough to believe that he couldn't resist me. He knew me, so he also knew my faults. We were friends, so I didn't know if he had even thought about me in a sexual way.

But then, I had been going at this in an unusually strategic way (for my standards). It was time to act. I probably never had overthought something that much, so I needed a break from all these speculations. Plus, the tension between us was really getting on my nerves and I was curious if he would explain why he didn't want me in his bed the other night.

 **Remus POV:**

Saturday afternoon, Sirius caught me unexpectedly. I was on my way from Gryffindor tower to the library when he came running after me.

"Remus, wait!", he called and I stopped. With a questioning look, I turned around and watched him slow down. Then he stood before me, panting.

"What is it? What happened?", I asked. I was a little concerned, because he seemed so agitated.

"It's fine", he reassured me. "I just need to talk to you."

That sounded... disconcerting. But I was curious. "Out with it", I demanded and smiled carefully.

Sirius blinked.

"Could we... Would you mind going somewhere else?"

Okay, something was wrong. He was really nervous – but why?

I nodded and picked the next empty classroom without further ado. He followed me inside, closed the door behind him and sat down on the edge of the table next to me.

Before I could ask what had upset him, he started talking.

"About the other night... Can you tell me why you didn't want me to stay?"

Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. I should've seen this coming. There's was no way I could tell him the truth, but I was a terrible liar, so what should I say?

"Sirius, I..." I stuttered, but I didn't make it to a whole sentence.

He probably saw the panic in my face and smiled a little at that.

"I get it, you don't want to talk about it. Alright. I should probably do the talking, anyway."

Now my confusion was complete. I hadn't expected him to drop the subject so quickly, that just wasn't his style. When he started talking, of course, I realized that he didn't drop the subject at all.

"Look, Moony, I hadn't really thought twice about coming to you that night. I probably should've, but I didn't. When you were confused, I didn't understand why. Well, I don't understand it now either, but it made me think."

He looked at me with an unreadable expression, and I didn't know why my heart was beating so fast.

"Can I ask you something?", he continued. "You don't have to give me an answer."

I simply nodded.

"How did you know that you're gay?"

My eyes widened a little and I swallowed. I couldn't tell him the truth, obviously, but I could tell part of it. He looked so earnest, I didn't want to deny him an answer.

"I definitely knew when I started... fancying a guy", I got out and blushed slightly. That was well enough. No need to mention that said guy stood right before me.

"Hm." He nodded and seemed lost in thought for a moment. "I take it you don't want to elaborate?"

I chuckled, despite the strange situation. Talking to Sirius had always been easy, but this was kind of awkward.

"I don't... Sorry", I answered.

He nodded again. "I've been thinking about that stuff myself, you know?"

"What stuff?", I asked stupidly.

"Being gay", he explained. Now we were both blushing and my heartbeat accelerated again.

"Care to give me one or two more hints?" How the hell I managed to stay calm, at least outwardly, I didn't know.

Sirius grinned. "That's why we're here."

I grinned in response, relaxing a little. It was alright, it was just me and Sirius, no need to be anxious. The remaining tension felt mostly like curiosity, so I looked at him and waited. He was as beautiful as ever today, so maybe looking at him wasn't the most intelligent option – but right now, I couldn't help myself.

"You know, it kind of bothered me why you practically threw me out last week. I mean, we never talked about sleeping in one bed, but I always had the feeling you were comfortable with it."

"I was", I interrupted, because I didn't want him to feel bad about it. "Otherwise, I would've said something."

"Well... you did last week", he retorted, looking a little... not sad, but something like that. "You didn't want to have me there, and I didn't know why. But what confused me most was that I was so disappointed. I hadn't expected that. I mean, I have always liked these nights, and not because I know you got the sleep you needed. I... I guess I just like sleeping next to you", he explained quietly and something invisible exploded in my chest, filling me with emotions I didn't know I was capable of. He was infinitely cute, admitting that he liked spending the night with me. I felt a wide smile stretching out on my face.

Then Sirius continued. "And, um... that got me thinking. I thought maybe I was interested in boys as well."

Oh. _Oh_. That explained the strange looks he had been giving me all week. But he didn't give me time to dwell on the thought, because he said: "So I... tried to figure it out. And I... I didn't really reach a final conclusion concerning boys in general."

"What do you mean?", I asked. "What do you mean, boys in general?"

He fumbled helplessly with his robes and closed his eyes.

"I mean", he started slowly, "that I'm not sure if I like boys in general." Opening his eyes, he took a deep breath and looked directly at me. "But I'm sure that I like you."

I stifled a gasp. That look he gave me, plus his last sentence, had already gotten me half hard. I kind of prayed that he wouldn't notice, because it was just so embarrassing, but concerning this confession it might not be that bad.

"You do?" I knew I sounded disbelieving.

He nodded and let out a strained laugh. "God, Moony, this must be the strangest conversation I ever had. But yes, I like you. I guess I just wanted you to know. Maybe I hoped that things could be normal again if I talked to you about this and about what happened, I don't know. Maybe this didn't help at all and things will get even more awkward. I hope not, because I really want to keep you as a friend, and it would be totally weird with James and Peter and sharing a room, you know-"

I interrupted him by reaching out and taking his hand in mine. He stared at me in shock.

"You're babbling", I grinned. He was so cute and it felt so good to touch him, even if it was just our hands. "And I guess I might just as well give you the full answer for your question now."

"What question?", he replied with a scratchy voice.

"About how I realized that I was gay", I clarified. "The guy in question, you know?"

He nodded.

"That was you. Or rather, that is you."

He nodded. He shook his head. "What?"

I laughed out loud. "Sirius, you idiot! I just told you that I like you too!", I exclaimed, completely overwhelmed by my sudden and bold directness.

By the looks of it, he was still processing this new piece of information while I tried to stop giggling. It was really rather unfitting, considering what we both had just confessed. Then Sirius suddenly took a step forward and hugged me tight, pulling me towards him. Our bodies were pressed together, I felt his thighs, stomach, chest against mine, his hands on my back, while I hid my face in the curve of his neck. It felt like the safest place I would ever be.

Then I leaned back just a little to look him in the eyes. They were this unbelievably clear, light blue that I would never get tired of seeing. Right now I saw my own happiness and relief reflected in them, while they got closer and closer. I leaned in a little, our noses bumped together, so we changed the angle a little, and finally our lips met. It was a gentle touch, shy, insecure, but it felt like floating. A hand was in my neck to keep me in place, his mouth more insistent on mine. When a small moan escaped him, I sighed in response and deepened the kiss.

From then on, the nightly visits might have become a little more frequent.

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Thank you so much for reading - I'm eager for reviews! :)

Love 3


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